


Casual

by ellembee



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-09-01 15:50:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8630203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellembee/pseuds/ellembee
Summary: College AU. Peeta gets a lot more than he bargained for when he leaves his friend’s party with a hot brunette.Written for Prompts in Panem: Final Tribute.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> A million thank yous to hutchhitched, ambpersand, and peetasblueyes for their last minute pre-read! You ladies are amazing.

Peeta couldn’t blame the alcohol, not with only one shot and a beer and a half in his system. Nonetheless, he allowed himself to be pulled across the quad, leaves crunching beneath his sneakers, the girl’s brown hair ink black in the dark.

When they reached her building, she swiped her ID card through the slot on the door. Peeta angled his neck in an attempt to read the name on the card, but it quickly disappeared back into her pocket. Then they were inside, a blast of heat their only welcome in the empty common room.

Maybe he should slow this down. Sit on one of the couches and talk for a few minutes. Maybe actually _exchange names_. It wasn’t that Peeta didn’t want to have sex. He had just never done so outside of a committed relationship. He’d fooled around with a few girls on campus, but it typically led to a date the following weekend or, at the very least, a shared meal in the dining hall.

But he could do this. While the girl hadn’t explicitly stated that this would be a no-strings-attached hook-up, the fact that they had barely exchanged five words seemed to be a big indicator.

Just a few minutes ago, he had been at a party with Darius and Finnick, leaning against a wall as they waited for their turn to play Beer Pong. The girl had sidled up to their group, looked over each of them before pointing at Peeta.

“You,” she said, poking him in the chest.

Peeta blinked. “Excuse me?”

She took a couple of steps backward and raised an eyebrow. “Are you coming or not?” One push from Finnick and a mumbled “Good luck” from Darius, and here he was.

The girl looked over her shoulder at where he had fallen behind. She tilted her head toward the hallway as if to ask, _Well?_

He fell into step behind her.

The majority of the doors lining the hallways were decorated with dry erase boards, pictures, and names in colorful lettering. When they stopped outside her door, Peeta noted the four names on display: Johanna, Madge, Annie, and Katniss.

_Katniss_ , he thought. _Like the plant._

Pulling out her ID once more, she unlocked the door and led him into the common room of her shared suite. His eyes fell onto the black futon that faced a flat screen TV. He wondered if he should suggest they watch a movie. That would slow things down but not derail the night entirely. He just wasn’t sure he wanted his first foray into casual sex to be, well, _this casual._

“Hey,” he said. “Do you think we could--”

She cut him off with a kiss. Her tongue slid against his bottom lip, and then his mouth was open, and he was full on making out with a girl he had meet fifteen minutes ago.

She pulled away, a smirk tugging at her lips. Before he could say another word, she whipped off her shirt, revealing her bare chest.

All the blood in his head rushed south. He decided Finnick was right, that he talked way too much when he could be putting his mouth to other, better uses.

“Do you want to see my room?” the girl asked. She turned around without waiting for an answer, throwing her shirt in the direction of the futon.

Once again, he followed.

The door shut behind him. With her back to him, he had a moment to take in the rest of the room. One side was decidedly more bright and flowery. He was unsurprised when the girl sat down on the bed sporting the dark green comforter.

“Don’t you think you’re overdressed?” she asked.

He pulled off his red thermal and white undershirt in one swift motion. They landed somewhere behind him. The girl smiled, her first real smile so far, and he moved into her, standing between her legs. 

She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down to her level. She kissed him again, sucking on his bottom lip before nipping it with her teeth. He sucked in a breath as her fingertips glided across the skin just above his waistband. Finally, her hand landed on his belt buckle.

“Let’s see what we’re working with,” she said.

A sudden pounding on the door stilled her hand. 

“Shit,” she muttered.

“Open up! I know you’ve got some guy in there!” 

Peeta quickly realized whoever was shouting was outside the door to the girl’s shared dorm room, but was loud enough to be heard all the way in here. Hell, this guy was loud enough for the fourth floor to hear.

The girl rolled her eyes and stood, pushing Peeta back a couple of steps.

“I never get to have any fun,” she pouted.

“Who’s that?” he asked.

She let out an exaggerated sigh. “That,” she said, “is my boyfriend.”

Peeta’s eyes widened. His heart stuttered. “Your what?”

The pounding on the door continued. Was it Peeta’s imagination or was the entire room shaking? He was so going to get his ass kicked. He was strong, sure, and stocky, and he was a master of takedowns, but it sounded as if this guy only needed one punch to do him in.

The girl grabbed Peeta’s clothes and tugged him back through the door into the common room.

“Hold on,” she yelled.

“I swear to God, if you have someone in there…” the voice answered.

“There’s no guy here!”

“No guy?” Peeta whispered. He held out his hands and gestured wildly. “Where do you expect me to go?”

The girl looked from the door to Peeta then back to the door. She huffed before throwing his clothes at his chest. He caught them and stared at her with wild eyes.

“C’mon,” she whispered, tugging his wrist for the third time that night. She opened up the door to the second bedroom and pushed him inside.

“What the hell?”

Peeta froze in the doorway, his mouth agape as he took in the girl who had just spoken: a short, thin brunette wearing a flimsy tank top and tiny shorts.

He was ninety-nine percent sure this was Katniss. And he was one hundred percent sure he had helped her with her English paper at the tutoring center last month.

“Get in there,” the topless girl behind him hissed. 

With a surprisingly hard push, Peeta was in the bedroom, the door was closed, and Katniss was staring at him in disbelief.

“Peeta?” she asked.

“So Kat is short for Katniss?” he asked, thinking back to their first official meeting. 

“What are you doing here?” she demanded. “And why aren’t you wearing a shirt?”

Peeta looked down at the clothes in his hands. Right. He had never put those back on. He started to pull on his undershirt when Katniss put up a hand.

“Wait, don’t put it on yet.” She rushed past him and put her ear to the door, which was pretty unnecessary considering how loud the guy was yelling. Whoever he was, he was now in the common room.

“You came back here with, Jo?” she asked.

“Yeah. At least I’m pretty sure that’s her name.”

Katniss scowled at him. “Great. Get in my bed.”

“Your bed?”

She glanced back at the door with sudden urgency. “Bed. Now.”

He dropped his shirt on the ground and lay down on the bed she had been standing next to when he burst in. Now, he wasn’t entirely sure what was going to happen next. Perhaps she was going to trash his clothes and make him walk back to his dorm half-naked. Maybe she was going to call Campus Security, and he was going to get arrested. Or maybe she just wanted to enjoy the view. He worked out with Finnick five days a week, after all.

Out of all the possibilities, he never considered she’d fly across the room and jump on top of him. She leaned over him, her dark hair a curtain separating him from the rest of the room. Her tank dipped down, giving him an eyeful of her breasts. He quickly looked back up, trying to think of anything besides the fact that she was nestled perfectly over his growing erection.

He wished his dick would keep up with the situation. Now was not the time!

Katniss leaned closer. His hands landed on her thighs, where he started rubbing small circles with his thumbs.

“You came back here with me, got it?” she said.

Before he could respond, the door burst open. Katniss sat up, although she didn’t climb off him.

She scowled at the man in the doorway. “Thom? What the hell?”

“Are you…?” The booming voice belonged to a tall, muscular guy with dark hair. His anger was quickly evaporating into surprise. “Are you hooking up with someone?”

“Get out!” she yelled.

Johanna, who was now wearing her shirt, appeared behind Thom and yanked him toward her. “I told you I didn’t have anyone here.”

“Katniss does?” Thom asked in disbelief. “Does Gale know?”

The door shut. Katniss hopped off Peeta.

“Oh my God,” she muttered, sinking onto her roommate’s bed.

Peeta sat up, a blush heating his cheeks. He wanted to blame the adrenaline on his almost-pummeling, but he knew it had way more to do with the pretty brunette glaring at him. The same brunette he had been crushing on since the beginning of the semester. They shared a psychology class, although he doubted she had noticed him in a class of over one hundred. He had been trying to work up the courage to talk to her or even sit near her, but she was so intimidating. She didn’t smile or interact with the other students, and she constantly argued with their professor.

And then there was that guy who often met her after class.

When she had shown up in the tutoring center, Peeta couldn’t believe his luck. Okay, so she had been forced to come for help by her slender, blonde, and way more approachable friend, but he hadn’t cared.

The blonde had introduced her as “Kat” and told Peeta she was struggling to write a ten-page paper for American Lit. 

“I am _not_ struggling,” Kat insisted.

“She’s driving us crazy,” the blonde continued as if her friend hasn’t spoken. “She’s been pacing the room and muttering about bullshit misogynists. We’re afraid she’s going to snap and kill one of us.”

Kat rolled her eyes. In the end though, she stayed for an hour and a half and listened to everything Peeta said. She took notes, handled his constructive criticism well, and awarded him with a “thank you” and a bright smile when they were done.

Peeta had hoped that this interaction would lead to something more substantial, but the same guy met her outside of the tutoring center.

The next day, Peeta hadn’t bothered trying to sit beside her in class. She was obviously taken.

“You can put your shirt on now.”

Peeta startled as Katniss’s voice yanked him back to the present. Her arms were folded across her chest, and she was studying the door as if it were the most interesting thing in the whole room.

She was blushing too.

Peeta pulled on his undershirt and thermal as he stuttered out an apology. “I’ll leave now. I didn’t mean to, uh…” He waved his hand, unsure of how to accurately describe what had just happened. “Sorry, again,” he finished lamely.

Katniss jumped to her feet and stood in front of him to block his exit. “Not yet. They’re still out there.”

“Johanna and her boyfriend?”

Katniss nodded. “First they’ll argue. Then they’ll make up. Loudly. Hopefully in her room.”

“Oh. So I’ll just...stay in here?”

She sat back down. “For a few minutes, at least.”

A beat of uncomfortable silence passed. He ran a hand through his hair and looked over at Katniss. Her shoulders were rigid, and her arms were still crossed at her chest. She stared at the floor.

“So does this sort of thing happen often?” Peeta asked.

“Johanna bringing random guys home? Yes,” she said. “Stowing these random guys in my room? Not once.”

“Oh.”

“Jo and Thom are on-again-off-again. I can’t keep track anymore.” She shrugged. “Not that them being ‘on’ has ever stopped Jo from going after what she wants.”

Peeta still wasn’t sure why Johanna had wanted him in the first place, although she seemed like the type to get bored easily. “Sounds messy.”

“Yeah, well, Thom is a possessive dickhead, but every time I bring it up, Jo just mentions...” She shook her head. “Never mind.”

Peeta wanted to know what she meant, but he knew better than to push. “So you don’t mind covering for her?”

“Jo’s one of my best friends. I may not always agree with her decisions.” She looked him up and down. “But I always have her back just like she has mine.”

Peeta ignored her overly critical gaze and said, “You sound like a good friend.”

“Yeah and look where it’s gotten me.”

Peeta bit his tongue. Again. She clearly wanted nothing to do with him, but they could at least make the best of the situation. They had gotten along just fine at the tutoring center. Maybe he should offer to do some of her homework.

“Hey, how’d that paper turn out?” he asked.

Her brow furrowed, and she _finally_ made eye contact. “You remember that?”

“It was only a month ago,” he said. “And your distaste for American Literature made you very memorable.”

“I’m just tired of reading stories written by boring dead white guys.”

“Aren’t we all.”

She rolled her eyes, but a small smile tugged at her lips. “I got an A minus.”

“Really? That’s great!”

“And completely unsurprising considering you practically wrote the paper for me.”

“I did not.” 

Although, now that he thought about it, he had been a little too eager to help. The urge had been some weird combination of wanting to impress her and wanting to put her out of her misery. He doubted she was wowed by his literary knowledge and killer analysis, but she had been extremely grateful for his help.

“You did,” she insisted. “Not that I’m complaining. I went back and dumbed down a few sections so Professor Heavensbee wouldn’t accuse me of cheating.”

“You didn’t need to dumb it down just to make it sound like you,” he said. “You’re really smart. It’s just hard to engage with text you can’t connect with.”

She laughed. “Boring dead white guys.”

“Exactly,” he said, immensely pleased with himself.

A thought suddenly occurred to him, and while he didn’t want to derail the perfectly pleasant conversation they were having, he had to ask.

“Is Gale your boyfriend?”

She shook her head, not in answer but as if she hadn’t heard him correctly.

“When Thom closed the door,” Peeta continued, “he asked if Gale knew. I don’t mean to pry. I just wanted to know exactly how many relationships I screwed up tonight.”

“Don’t worry. Jo and Thom will be just fine.” And to confirm this statement, the futon began to creak. Katniss wrinkled her nose in disgust. “Do you want a drink? I want a drink.”

“Uh, sure,” Peeta said.

Katniss opened the mini fridge situated between the two beds and crouched in front of it. For a second, Peeta couldn’t find his breath. In her current position, her tiny shorts had ridden up, and he could practically see her ass.

She had a very nice ass.

“Peeta?”

His gaze shot up to her face. She looked annoyed, which meant she had been trying to get his attention while he was strolling through fantasy land.

“All I have is a bottle of vodka, orange juice, and some Smirnoff Ice.”

“Smirnoff is fine.” Considering he had forgotten how to act naturally, he was grateful to have something to do with his hands.

She twisted off the cap and took a long drink. He followed suit.

“Gale isn’t my boyfriend,” she blurted out. “I mean, he’s my best friend. I’ve known him forever, since I was eight, but we’re not…”

He could tell she was trying to find the right words. While he considered interrupting and saving her from stumbling through the explanation, he was curious as to what exactly her relationship with this Gale guy was. He also wanted to know if this was the same guy he had seen walking with her after class.

“We’re not together, but we’re not... _not_ together.”

Once again, Peeta’s body didn’t know how to react. Half of him was elated at this definition, while the other half was screaming not to get involved in this messy situation.

“So you’re…” Peeta began.

“Casual.”

“Like friends-with-benefits?”

“Sure, if we have to put a label on it.”

“Oh.”

It was a small, soft sound. Peeta didn’t think much of it, but it made Katniss’s entire demeanor transform.

“Oh?” she echoed. “You can’t possibly be passing judgment.”

“I’m not!”

“Because I’m pretty sure you just came back here with my roommate without exchanging names first.”

She suddenly seemed to realize how little clothing she was wearing. She slammed down her drink, crossed the room in a few quick strides, and pulled on a gray sweatshirt that hung on her desk chair.

“I’m not judging! Really.”

She answered him with a glare.

“And if I had known she was your roommate, I never would have come back here.”

There was that scowl again. Her arms were back in standard angry position, folded across her chest. Forget the guy outside. Peeta was in way more danger in here.

“Do you have a problem with me?” she demanded.

He stood up, too much nervous energy running through his body. “Of course not.”

“I know I rub some people the wrong way, but I thought our tutoring session went fine. Good, even,” she said.

“It did!”

“Then what did you mean? You’d give up hooking up with Jo just to avoid me?”

“That’s not what I--”

“I don’t care what they’re doing out there, I think you should--”

“Katniss, I like you.”

Wow, this was going impossibly bad. But it was out there now. He couldn’t take it back, and honestly, he didn’t want to. The circumstances of his confession weren’t ideal, but at least he had finally said something.

“You what?” she asked.

“Did you know we’re in the same psych class?”

“No,” she said softly. “It’s a big class.”

“I noticed you on the first day. You were sitting in the second row, and your hair was in a braid. You got into an argument with our professor about causation versus correlation.”

“He interpreted the results of that study wrong,” she mumbled.

“I liked you immediately, but I was too much of a coward to say anything. I couldn’t believe it when you came to me for help with your English paper.”

She shifted from foot to foot. “Why didn’t you say anything after? You could have said hi to me in class. Asked how the paper went.”

“I wanted to, but you usually met up with some guy after class. I figured he was your boyfriend. I didn’t want to be an asshole.”

Understanding dawned on her face. “You saw me with Gale.”

“Your sort-of-boyfriend?”

She was a quiet for a moment. “All through high school, people just assumed Gale was my boyfriend because we were always together. And I liked it that way. No one bothered me.”

“And now that you’re in college?”

“I’m not looking for a relationship. It’s so much easier to just...hang out with Gale, no strings attached.”

Peeta deflated. “Oh.”

“Every once in awhile, he gets a girlfriend, and we stop. Then they break up, and we’re back together or whatever.” She swept past him and picked up her drink.

His heart sunk as he considered that Katniss wanted something more with her best friend, something Gale couldn’t--or wouldn’t--give her. 

“You’re jealous,” Peeta said.

“Not really.” She sank back down onto the bed. “I’m more pissed off than anything else. I’ve always been fine with Gale dating other women. I’m not really interested in him that way.”

Peeta sat down on the bed across from her. While they were talking about another guy, which was kind of weird for him, they were still talking, which he counted as a win.

“But if a guy approaches me? Gale freaks out. He’ll start hanging all over me. Never mind that I’m not interested in dating. I’d just like to have the option.”

Well, Peeta had read this situation wrong. Gale was a possessive, hypocritical dick, and Katniss definitely didn’t have deeper feelings for him. He recalled what Katniss had said earlier, about expressing similar concerns about Johanna’s boyfriend. Apparently, she could recognize it in other people but not in her own best friend.

“So break it off,” Peeta said.

“Right. Lose my best friend and my access to casual sex?” She flushed at the last word, which Peeta thought was adorable. For someone who seemed so at ease with her arrangement, she certainly had trouble discussing it.

“You think he’d stop being friends with you? Over that?”

“I don’t know why we’re even talking about this. I barely know you. I don’t need your advice.”

He held up his hands in surrender. He decided not to mention that she had opened up about this without much prodding from him. “We can change the subject.”

She nodded and downed the rest of her wine cooler. Her eyes met his, so he held up his bottle as if to toast her, before gulping down the rest.

“I need something stronger,” she announced, placing the empty bottle on top of the fridge.

“I’m game.”

Katniss grabbed two pink Solo cups off her roommate’s desk. She filled each about a quarter of the way with orange juice. Then, she dumped in vodka.

A lot of vodka.

She considered the drinks for a moment before twisting open another Smirnoff Ice and pouring a bit into each cup.

“There.”

“Did you just make that recipe up?” he asked with an amused grin.

“Do you want my alcohol or not?”

He held out his hand. He took a tentative sip and was surprised to find it wasn’t completely awful, even though it was mostly vodka.

She made a face as she took a healthy gulp.

“I guess you aren’t dating anyone,” she said. “Unless I completely read you wrong.”

“I’m not,” he answered. “And how did you read me?”

“You were...nice.” At his frown, she shook her head. “Not like boring nice. Like, worth-my-time nice. Quality nice. Does that make sense?”

“Maybe you should start talking about my body. I look good without a shirt, right?”

He said it without considering who he was speaking to, but she laughed instead of scowling at him. 

“Yes. You have abs. Good job.” She took another sip. “I just meant you seemed cool. Not conceited or manipulative. You were just...you.”

All he could think to say was “Oh.” She had left him speechless several times tonight, which, for him, was a rarity. The situation was weird, sure, but he was pretty sure it was her. She had this effect on him that he couldn’t explain. He wanted her to keep talking even if she spent the rest of the night discussing her weird relationship with her best friend. He liked her voice, her hair, her smile. He was basically in love with her scowl.

“Thanks,” he finally said.

Half her drink was gone. She appeared to be deep in thought as she fiddled with the hem of her sweatshirt. She set the cup down and crossed the little space that separated them. When she sat down next to him, her thigh brushed against his jean-clad leg. 

He was positive he had never wanted anything more than he wanted her.

“I’ve never…” She pulled her sleeves over her hands. Only her fingertips peeked out from beneath the fabric. “I’ve never been with anyone besides Gale.”

He didn’t want to say “oh” again, but he had no idea how to respond. He set his drink down.

“I’ve actually never kissed anyone else.” She turned her head, and her gaze swept from his eyes down to his mouth.

Despite the drink he had been steadily sipping, Peeta’s throat was entirely too dry.

“That’s too bad,” he said.

“I always thought this casual arrangement would last until Gale found someone to settle down with, but lately he’s been talking about the future. Like where we’ll move after graduation. What kind of house we’ll buy.”

Without thinking about it, Peeta turned to face her, hiking his leg up further on the bed. While she no longer looked at his mouth, he didn’t mourn the loss because her gaze was fixed on where her hand rested on his calf.

“I don’t want to buy a house with him,” she said. “But you were right. If I try to break it off, it’ll ruin our friendship.”

“I guess you need to make a decision then,” Peeta said.

“I’ve known him forever. He’s like family.”

“Is his friendship worth giving up the rest of your life?” Peeta asked.

Her hand slid up his leg, stopping at his knee.

She said, “I just want to know what else is out there.”

He moved forward first, but she met him halfway, almost as if she had been waiting. As if she had wanted to be sure.

The kiss was soft, gentle. It cracked him open. His hand disappeared into her hair, but the movement seemed to startle her. She pulled away a second later. He realized she had never fully turned to face him. She had only moved her head. 

He didn’t say anything as she stood. He was too stuck inside his own mind, trying to figure out how he had read the situation so wrong.

Finally, Katniss pulled off her sweatshirt and settled beside him once more.

“It’s hot in here,” she said.

“Katniss…”

“Aren’t you hot?”

“I can go,” he said quietly. He couldn’t bear the dismissal or the pity that was sure to be in her eyes. 

“No,” she said, reaching for him even though he had yet to move. “Stay.” She faced him fully, her knee bumping his. “You should stay.”

“I want to,” he said. “If you’ll allow it.”

Her smile was as intoxicating as the brush of her lips against his. It was small and sweet and perfect.

“I’ll allow it.”

This time, she was the one to close the space between them, her hands gliding over his thighs as she leaned into him. Her hair brushed against his face, but he didn’t dare touch it, worried he would somehow break the spell again. Her mouth opened against his, and he let out a small sigh. She tasted like raspberries, the Smirnoff somehow overpowering the rest of her mixed drink.

She pulled away just a fraction of an inch. Her gray eyes had grown darker, and they studied his face, searching for something. The next moment, she crashed into him, the kiss desperate, urgent as she crawled into his lap. Wrapping an arm around her waist, he turned them, so both her knees rested comfortably on the bed. Emboldened by their position, his hands disappeared beneath her tank top to explore the smooth expanse of her back. She bit his lip before trailing kisses up his jaw.

He flattened his palm against her spine in an attempt to push her closer. She responded by rocking against him.

“Shit.” He rested his forehead against her shoulder as she continued to move against him.

“I can’t believe this is what I’ve been missing all this time.”

He groaned. “I can’t believe how good you feel.”

She tugged on the hem of his shirt, and for the second time that night, he pulled off both layers. With only the flimsy material of her tank between them, he could feel the hardened peaks of her nipples against his chest. He wanted to trace them with his fingers, his tongue, his teeth. Instead, he moved a strap off her shoulder and kissed the naked skin it left behind.

She grabbed his hand and laid it over her breast. Longing seeped into the space between them, infiltrating his mind, carving a path into his heart. He tried to keep his movements calm and steady, but then she was talking again, her mouth moving against his ear.

“I want to taste you.”

She tugged on his belt, but he flipped her onto her back before she could get any further. He hiked her leg up over his hip, his hand slipping into her shorts to cup her lace-covered ass.

As much he wanted her mouth wrapped around him, he couldn’t let her do it yet. Not when it was her turn to feel good. She wanted to know what else was out there? He would show her. 

She tilted her head up as he kissed her neck and sucked on her pulse point. Quiet moans fell from her lips as he moved against her, and then it was his name, the second syllable broken off into a gasp. It was almost enough to make him come undone.

Suddenly, she went rigid, and he pulled away, unsure where he had gone wrong. Then, he heard the knocking on the door.

“Katniss?” A soft voice called.

“She can’t know you’re here,” Katniss said. 

She pushed him off as she scrambled to her feet, breathing hard. The voice knocked again, harder this time.

Peeta was not in the right mind to be making decisions. He didn’t question her as she pushed him against the wall beside the door. He would have done anything she asked in that moment.

Hell, he was pretty sure he’d do anything she asked at any time. 

Katniss ran a hand through her hair before she opened the door, Peeta hidden on the other side.

“Hi, Jo. What’s up?”

“‘What’s up?’” Johanna echoed. “Really? That’s how you greet me after I shove a half-naked stranger into your room?”

“It happens,” Katniss said.

Johanna scoffed. “Right. Anyway, I wanted to tell you that Thom is in my room, half-asleep. I did good work if I do say so myself.”

“So you knocked just to tell me you’re really good at having sex with your boyfriend?”

“Aw, Brainless! You said the word ‘sex’ without completely freaking out! Although you are looking a little flushed.”

“I’m just hot. It’s hot in here.”

“Right,” Johanna said, unconvinced. “Anyway, I actually came to tell you that you can sneak Peeta out now. The coast is clear.”

“He’s already gone.”

“You snuck him out earlier?”

“Yeah.”

“While Thom and I were having sex on the futon?”

Katniss made a disgusted noise. “We’ve talked about this! Now I have to wash the cover again.”

“Okay, so you’re flushed, your hair is completely messed up, and you’re breathing weird,” Johanna listed. “But since you did me such a huge favor earlier, I’m not going to question it.”

“There’s nothing going on,” Katniss said quickly.

“Like I said, I’m letting it go.”

Johanna backed away from the room, hands held in the air in surrender, and Katniss shut the door. 

“Hey,” Peeta said, his back still pressed against the wall.

“Hey,” Katniss said.

He reached for her hand and tugged her closer. 

“Still want me to stay?” he asked.

She kissed the side of his mouth and nodded. “I do.”

He tucked her hair behind her ear and smiled. Her lips were a breath away from his when a strip of gold-foiled condoms was shoved underneath the door.

Katniss closed her eyes and buried her face in her hands, muffling her groan of exasperation. Then, she grabbed the condoms and threw them into the nearby trashcan. While Peeta hadn’t been expecting sex, it was still a letdown. He was certain she would grab his clothes next and kick him out.

Instead, she picked up her mixed drink and began to chug it.

“Oh, so we’re doing this again?” he asked.

He grabbed his cup and gulped it down, nearly choking. When he was finished, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and tried to control his grimace.

“That was so not terrible,” he said. “I love pure vodka.”

She laughed as she set her cup down. “I guess it needed a little more orange juice.”

“Just a little,” he said, pinching his pointer finger and thumb together.

She wrapped her arms around his waist, and as much as he wanted to just resume making-out, he had to say it. “You know, if you need to down a substantial amount of alcohol before doing something, you probably shouldn’t do the thing.”

“I definitely want to do the thing,” she said. “I mean, not do it but you know. Other stuff. I just needed a little liquid courage.”

He gently tugged on her hair, enjoying how silky the strands felt between his fingers. “Are you sure?”

“I’m just nervous,” she said. “There’s a difference between being nervous and being unsure.”

He cupped her cheeks and tilted her head up.

“Also, I have to murder my roommate tomorrow,” she said, “so I might as well have fun tonight.”

Laughing softly, he shook his head before kissing her.

“Lay down,” she commanded when he pulled away. “I want to do something.”

“Something?” he asked, sitting down. 

“You know. What I said before.”

“If you can’t say what you want to do, are you sure you should be doing it?”

“Oh my God.” Katniss pulled her hands out of his. “Are you seriously going to lecture me about maturity and communication, or are you going to let me go down on you?”

“The second one,” he said as he settled against her pillows. “Definitely. But hey, that was better.”

She scowled as she climbed onto the bed. Maintaining eye contact, she undid his belt and said, “Blowjob. How was that?”

It was great. Perfect. He wanted her to describe exactly what she intended to do to him.

“I feel like this should be the other way around,” he said instead. “Are you sure you don’t want me to--”

“First things first.” She patted her wrist and frowned when she found it empty. “I need a hair tie.” She glanced at her nightstand table and then looked over her shoulder at her desk. 

“I could, uh, hold your hair.”

She considered him for a moment. “Yeah?”

When he nodded, she pressed a soft kiss against his lips.

It was strange. He still wanted her, badly, but the situation felt different than before. Less urgent, less hurried. Less of a need and more of a want. He was a choice she was making.

His belt landed soundlessly on the area rug in the middle of the room. He kicked off his shoes as she unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them off. She traced his erection through the smooth fabric of his boxer briefs before yanking his underwear off too.

She stared at him, but he couldn’t see her expression. He knew he was bigger than average, but the way she was just looking and not saying anything was making him self-conscious. 

“It’s rude to stare,” he finally said.

“Sorry.”

“Do I need to give you tips on proper blowjob etiquette?”

She narrowed her eyes. “No. I’ve done this before.”

“Then you should know you shouldn’t stare unless it’s while complimenting the guy’s enormous size.”

“Yeah right. I’m not going to lie just to stroke a guy’s ego.” She frowned at her choice of words, and he laughed. “I’m about to go down on him. Isn’t that enough?”

“Well, what if he asks? Are you just going to point blank go, ‘I’ve seen bigger’?”

“Are we seriously doing this right now?” She waved her arm over his body. “You’re completely naked in my bed, and giving me advice about future blowjobs with different guys.”

While he didn’t like thinking about her in this position with someone else, he had to remember that she wasn't looking for a relationship. It was easier to joke about it then seriously consider what it meant. 

“I just don’t want you destroying some poor guy’s fragile ego. You’re really intimidating.”

She pulled her tank over her head, which was the last response he was expecting, and kissed him. He groaned at the feeling of her breasts pressed against his skin, but all too quickly, she pulled away.

“You’re the biggest I’ve ever seen,” she said.

He knew she was trying to tease him, but it only made him harder. He tried to force a joke. “Yeah? And how many have you actually--fuck.”

His cock was in her mouth, and he forgot all about being casual. He wanted this all the time, every morning, every night.

Belatedly, he remembered his promise to hold her hair. He gathered the dark waves and twisted it into a knot. Her teeth grazed his shaft, and he thrusted into her mouth.

“Good or bad?” she asked, looking up at him through her eyelashes. Her expression alone would be enough to get him off for days. 

“Good,” he mumbled. “Very good.”

Her breasts grazed his thighs as she began again. At first she took her time exploring him, her mouth and hand moving agonizingly slow. Then, she began to pick up speed as she hollowed out her cheeks. With a groan, he pulled on her hair, and she hummed her pleasure in response.

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “Just like that.” He tried not to get carried away. He wanted to prolong this as much as possible, but all too soon, he was at the edge.

“Shit, you have to stop.” He dug his fingers into the bed sheets. The pressure built and built, but she only moved faster. “Katniss, I’m going to come, you have to--”

She moaned against him, and it was the permission he needed. He came with a groan and another tug on her hair. His body went still, but she kept sucking for several more seconds until it was almost painful.

When she sat up, he opened his arms, and she crawled into them, resting her head against his chest.

“That was amazing.”

“Yes,” she said, “now it’s the guy’s turn to give compliments.”

He laughed into her hair, completely floored by everything that had just happened. It wasn’t just the feeling of her mouth wrapped around him or her breasts pressed against his chest. It was the jokes and the laughter. It was the ease he felt talking to her or lying quietly in bed, holding her in his arms.

She looked up at him. “You can stay the night. If you want.”

“I want.”

She smiled and kissed his chin before reaching over to hit the light switch above her bed, casting the room into darkness. They climbed underneath the comforter, and he pulled her flush against him, her back pressed against his chest. She laced her fingers between his.

“It can’t be time for bed yet,” he said. “When is it my turn to get you off?”

“After you’ve properly recovered,” she answered. “You may need to sleep it off.”

“So confident all of a sudden.”

“Must be the alcohol.”

His hand wandered down her ribcage, across her stomach, before stopping just below the waistband of her shorts. He waited to see if she would push him away or tell him to stop. Their breathing was the only sound in the room. 

He dipped his hand lower, beneath her lace underwear, and groaned.

“Jesus,” he said. “You’re so wet.”

She leaned back against him, so she was no longer completely on her side. He wedged a knee between her legs, spreading them wider.

“You feel fucking amazing,” he mumbled.

“You’re really good at this complimenting thing.” He knew she was trying to sound unaffected, but the tremble in her voice gave her away.

He buried his face in her neck as he slipped a single finger inside her. She sucked in a sharp breath. He added a second finger before slowly pumping them in and out.

“Never fall asleep before the guy gets you off. That’s not fair.”

“More advice?” she asked, her nails digging into his leg.

“I just don’t want you settling,” he said. “You should know most guys would do anything you asked. Anything you wanted.”

“Well, I want you to make me come.”

He wondered whether it was the dark that was making her bolder, or if it was the alcohol.

Maybe she just felt comfortable around him.

“I guess it’s only fair that I use my mouth too,” he said.

He cast the comforter aside and pulled off her last two layers. He desperately wanted to turn on the light and admire the view, but he settled between her legs instead, hoping this wouldn’t be the last time he was in this position.

As soon as he ran his tongue through her folds, her legs clamped shut. Gently, he pulled them apart and laid an arm over her hips.

“Sorry,” she said.

He answered with another long lick. “Nothing to be sorry about.”

He wanted to go as excruciatingly slow as she had, but she made the most amazing noises. He wanted to hear more, feel more. He wanted her writhing against him. When her hands landed in his hair, he couldn’t help dipping his tongue inside her.

“Peeta, yes.”

That was all it took for him to abandon his plan. His fingers replaced his tongue, and his mouth found her clit. He wondered what this would be like with the lights on, if she’d squeeze her eyes shut or watch him as he made her come. He wished he could see her now. He wanted to memorize the flush of her cheeks and the curve of her lips as she moaned.

Too soon, her body tightened, her toes curled, and she came with a cry. He barely had time to wipe his mouth before she tugged on his hair, forcing him up to kiss her.

“I want you inside of me,” she whispered.

Time stopped as her words sunk in. In the dark, with alcohol thrumming through his veins, this felt like a dream. He tried to remember why her words were impossible.

“But you said…”

“I changed my mind,” she said quickly. “I want to do the thing.”

“Katniss…” His body hummed with wanting, but he had to be sure. He didn’t want her to regret this in the morning.

“I want to have sex,” she said. “I want you to fuck me.”

If he wasn’t completely recovered from his orgasm before, he was now. He was prepared to vault over her and pick through the trash until he found the strip of condoms, but she sat up first. The light came on. A drawer open and closed. She held out a condom, but he was too busy staring at her, uncovered and gorgeous.

Finally, he ripped open the wrapper. She reached for the light, but he grabbed her hand.

“Don’t,” he said. “I want to see you.”

She stared at him. For a moment he thought he had broken the spell, that her confidence would falter without the cover of darkness, but then she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

She lay back against the pillow as he rolled the condom on. Then he was sinking into her, slowly, carefully. He went still as he waited for her to adjust.

It wasn’t until she ran a hand through his hair and sighed his name that he began to move.

*

Peeta woke up practically pressed against the dorm room wall. While it looked no different than the one in his room across campus, he immediately knew he was not in his bed. It took him only a second to remember why.

_Katniss._

She rolled over and slung an arm over his waist and pressed her face into his back. Unsure if she was still asleep, he decided not to move. Already he was imagining spending the day in bed with her, leaving only to hit up the dining hall and bring back food.

His brain went so far as to picture winter break, to bringing her to his hometown, to feeding her breakfast pastries made by his own hands in his family’s bakery.

Thankfully, he managed to slam on the breaks before his imagination could go any further. 

He knew the moment she woke up. Her entire body went rigid against his. She slowly retracted her arm and turned over. Despite the small size of her bed, she managed to move far enough away that their backs didn’t touch.

He stared at the wall and tried to rationalize her behavior. This was the first time she had woken up next to a guy that wasn’t her best friend. She was just surprised. At Peeta. At herself. But everything was fine.

With surprising stealth, she slipped out of bed. He only knew she had dressed because there was a several second pause between her standing up and the door softly clicking shut. He rolled over to confirm her absence.

Somehow, despite his best efforts to avoid it, she regretted last night.

He pulled on his clothes. For lack of anything better to do, he made her bed. He wasn’t going to sneak out while she was missing. Maybe this was a misunderstanding. Maybe she had had the same idea as him and was bringing back bagels.

She reappeared a moment later. Her hair was pulled back, and he could smell the mint of her toothpaste.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey.” She moved far enough into the room to shut the door but didn’t stray further than that.

He hoped if he acted normal, maybe she would too. She was nervous, he reminded himself. She was uncomfortable discussing sex. He could put her at ease.

“Do you want to get breakfast?” he asked.

“Um, I can’t, actually. I’m supposed to meet a couple of friends at the library. To study.”

He knew a brushoff when he heard it, but he couldn’t help challenge her anyway. “On a Saturday morning?”

“Organic Chemistry,” she said. “It’s kicking my ass. And finals will be here before you know it.”

“Look, Katniss--”

“Can we not do this?” she asked.

“You don’t even know what I’m going to say.”

She nodded and took a few steps toward where he sat on the bed. “You’re right. Go ahead.”

He stood but didn’t dare move any closer. “I know you’re not looking for a relationship. I just thought we could still hang out. Be friends.”

“I don’t need another friend.”

He shook his head. “I’m not proposing a friends-with-benefits thing. I really just mean friends.”

“I know what you mean. And I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

He didn’t understand. Couldn’t. How had they gone from laughing together in bed to her barely looking at him? Maybe she didn’t believe him. Maybe she thought he’d pressure her into more. Maybe she felt guilty about Gale. Maybe--

“I think you should go,” she said.

“Why?” he demanded. “Why can’t it just be friendship? Is this about Gale?”

“No, this isn’t about--” She sighed. “You came here with Johanna last night, but somehow, you ended up with me.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “If I had known she was your friend, I never would have come here.”

“Because you like me?”

He knew he was caught, but instead of surrendering, he became angry. “You think we can’t be friends because I’m interested in you? I don’t get it. Are you worried about this becoming too serious or us being too casual?”

“I’m not worried about anything because there is nothing to be worried about. I had fun last night, but like I already said, I’m not looking for a relationship. I’m not looking for anything.”

His anger carried him past her, out the door, down the hallway, and into the chilly November air where it promptly evaporated. He couldn’t be angry at her. She had warned him last night. She didn’t want a boyfriend, and he couldn’t force a friendship on her. His feelings weren’t her problem. They were his.

And currently, he was feeling fucking devastated.

*

Around two o’clock that afternoon, Johanna finally escorted Thom out before knocking on Katniss’s door. No one answered, but Jo took the risk and barged in anyway. Katniss was sitting in bed, alone and fully dressed, staring at a closed textbook.

“Where’s Blondie?” Jo asked, bouncing onto Katniss’s bed.

“Who?”

“You know, blond, broad, and handsome.” When Katniss remained silent, Jo rolled her eyes. “The guy I brought home for you.”

Katniss narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean, brought home _for me_?”

“Oops,” Jo said, not sounding sorry at all. “I probably should have waited for the girls to get back, but they’ll probably be relieved that I bore the brunt of your anger for them.”

“What did you guys do?”

“Look.” Johanna leaned back on her elbows and leveled her roommate with a serious stare. “You know how I feel about Gale. How we all feel about him.”

“What about you and--”

“No,” Jo said. “You can lecture me later if you want. Right now, we’re discussing you and your so-called best friend.”

“He is my best friend.”

“No one treats his best friend like he treats you.”

Katniss folded her arms across her chest and glared. “You know I don’t care if he dates other people. We’re not like that.”

“Now that? I completely believe. But it’s bullshit the way he won’t let you date.”

“It’s not that he doesn’t let me.”

“I know, I know, you don’t want a relationship, you’re scared of commitment, etc., etc.” Jo waved her hand in dismissal. “You know he freaks out whenever you so much as talk to another guy. Even if he has a girlfriend at the time. He thinks he can just keep you hidden away for himself at the same time he fucks every freshman that bats her eyelashes at him.”

“What does it matter if he’s jealous?” Katniss demanded. “I don’t want to date, so I don’t.”

“Look, if you don’t want a boyfriend because you are truly happy by yourself, then that’s awesome. Good for you. But if you don’t want a boyfriend because you’re scared of falling for someone, then you need to drop Gale immediately.”

“Why does it have to be one or the other?”

“You know that idiot would freak out if you mentioned even liking someone else. Which is why your thoughtful roommates stepped in.”

Katniss shook her head. “You brought Peeta back here to have sex with him.”

“No way, he’s not my type. I got him for you,” Jo said. “Although I may have done a little sampling to make sure he was at least a quality kisser.” She shrugged when Katniss narrowed her eyes. “What? I’m just looking out for you. I was going to check out his dick too, but Thom showed up a little too early.”

“You need to explain. Now.”

Jo could sense Katniss getting increasingly angry, so she sat up with a huff and leaned against the wall. “Fine. Annie, Madge, and I decided you needed to hook up with someone else, and we knew you’d never willingly go on a date.”

“So you decided the best course of action was to throw a strange guy into my room?”

“Come on, Kat, I would never force some weird stranger on you. I knew that you already knew him. That you liked him.”

“How could you possibly know that I--” She caught herself just in time. “That I knew him,” she finished lamely.

“Because when Madge asked you about your tutoring session, she said you got all weird and blush-y and tongue-tied.”

Katniss’s jaw clenched. “I did not.”

“Once we had a guy in mind, Annie suggested we do a little reconnaissance. We found out his name and dorm pretty easily, so Annie befriended his roommate, who I’m pretty sure she’s dating now.”

“I can’t believe Annie actually helped,” Katniss muttered. “So you’re telling me that you thought you found a guy I was interested in, and you decided the best course of action would be to _pick him up for yourself_? How could that go wrong?”

“We were worried about that part until about two weeks ago when Annie was eating lunch with Finn and Peeta. Finn started teasing him about the massive crush he had on a girl in his Psych class. Annie thought we were going to have to start all over again until Finn mentioned that Peeta had tutored her. Annie figured out it was you pretty fast.”

“That doesn’t give you the right--”

“So,” Johanna nearly shouted, drowning out Katniss’s voice, “The guy you liked, liked you back. He already knew Annie and Madge, so we decided I’d bring him back here. Then Madge would text Thom claiming she saw me with another guy and he’d come storming over leaving me to stash Peeta with you.”

“And you three just assumed I’d throw myself at him?”

“No, we assumed Peeta would be his charming self, and you would maybe consider going on a date with him. I kept the two of you in there long enough.” Johanna folded her hands in her lap and smiled. “We’re evil geniuses if I do say so myself.”

“You’re meddling assholes, actually,” Katniss corrected. “You never should have done something like that. I can’t believe you!”

“Um, Kat, I know he spent the night. I heard him leave this morning.” Jo shook her roommate’s leg. “So when’s the date?”

“What date? There is no date.”

Johanna frowned. “Last I checked, you had sex hair and were lying about him being in your room.”

“I thought you were going to let that go.”

“After we went to all that trouble? Hell no. So did you two bang?”

“No!”

“Oh my God!” Johanna jumped to her feet. “You did! You two had sex! I can’t believe it! Oh, can I be there when you tell Gale you never want to see him again? Can I film it?”

“That’s not--I’m not telling Gale that.”

“Right.” Jo nodded and sat back down. “You want to make sure you’re solid before you lose your sex friend. I got it.”

“We’re not going on a date! There is nothing more going on between Peeta and me.” Katniss stared down at her textbook. Weirdly, she felt like crying, but she managed to swallow back her tears.

“Why? Was he not good in bed?”

“We didn’t…” Oh, fuck it. Denying what Johanna already knew had happened was getting her nowhere. “Fine. He was amazing.”

“Then what?”

Katniss shrugged. “He told me he liked me. He made me laugh. He made me feel special.”

“Sounds awful,” Jo deadpanned.

“It was so easy to talk to him. To just be around him.”

“The horror.”

“I just...how can I already like him so much? I barely know him.”

Johanna bumped her knee against Katniss’s. “Some people just click.”

“I’ve never had a boyfriend before. I don’t know how this works. I don’t think I could make it work.”

“Oh Brainless, you’re not giving yourself enough credit.”

“I’m going to screw it up. I already did.”

Jo groaned and crawled up the bed. She pulled on Katniss’s arm and forced her roommate to lay down beside her. “You’re making me be touchy-feely. I will not forgive this.”

“Jo…”

“Look. The only way you could possibly fuck this up is by not doing it all. Because even if you two don’t work out, at least you’ll have tried.”

“But what if he breaks up with me? What if I--”

“Relax. You two haven’t even started yet.”

*

Katniss typically sat near the front on the right side of their Psych class, so on Monday, Peeta entered on the left and headed for the back. He was unsurprised when Katniss slipped in a moment before the professor did. She obviously wanted to avoid an awkward encounter.

He successfully avoided looking in Katniss’s direction until about halfway through class when Professor Abernathy referenced Sigmund Freud. The professor paused, waiting for Katniss’s hand to shoot up as it usually did whenever Freud came up, but nothing happened. Even Peeta craned his neck trying to find her in the front. For a moment, he thought she had left early.

“Miss Everdeen?” Professor Abernathy said. “You don’t have anything to add?”

Katniss shook her head without looking up.

The professor sighed. “Well, this class just got infinitely more boring.” 

Laughter broke out among the students, and Professor Abernathy continued his lecture.

On Wednesday, Peeta once again stuck to his seat in the back. He didn’t see Katniss at all. She reappeared on Friday, but as soon as the professor dismissed class, she bolted up the stairs and out the door.

Peeta didn’t think it was possible to feel worse than he already did. He knew Katniss was trying to avoid seeing him, but this was excessive. He wasn’t going to try to intercept her and make her talk. At least Thanksgiving break was coming up the week after next, and only a couple of weeks of the semester remained after that. Then, he would never have to see her again.

Instead of bringing relief, the thought made his heart hurt.

Swinging his messenger bag over his shoulder, he exited the classroom.

And ran directly into Katniss.

“Hey,” she said.

“Uh, hey.” He rubbed the back of his neck, wondering if she was going to somehow make this his fault. He had kept to his side of the classroom, damn it!

“I was waiting for you.”

His eyebrows shot up. “Yeah? Because I just watched you sprint out of the room.”

A blush heated her cheeks. “I just wanted to get to this side before you left.”

“Oh. So what’s up?”

“I, uh, have another English paper to write,” she told the floor. “I was hoping you could help.”

While he wasn’t expecting her to confess her love for him or anything, her request was still a bit of a letdown. She may have no longer been avoiding him, but that probably had more to do with her GPA than her feelings for him.

“I don’t work again until Tuesday,” he said.

“I thought maybe you could help me outside of work?” 

She finally met his eyes, but all he could think about was the way she looked underneath him, so he had to look away. He tried to imagine sitting beside her in the library, not being able to touch her or joke with her. The image made his stomach hurt. It wasn’t that he couldn’t be normal around her. He had meant it when he had said he wanted to be friends. But her cold dismissal was still echoing inside his head.

She didn’t want _anything_ from him.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Right.” She didn’t look particularly surprised by this answer, but she did appear disappointed. “I know you’re mad at me, but--”

“I’m not mad at you,” he said. “The way I feel about you isn’t your problem.”

“But what if I felt the same way?”

“You don’t.” 

The words came out much faster and harsher than he intended, but it was his automatic response whenever he got lost in thought about her. It happened most often when he tossed and turned in bed, struggling to fall asleep. He’d return to that night, or worse, allow himself to dream up another night, another fantasy.

She looked around at the passing students and took a step closer to him. “Can I walk with you?”

“I’m done with classes for the day. I was just going to go back to my room.”

“Maybe we could go back to mine?”

Her gray eyes were brighter than he remembered. They shone with longing and something else he couldn’t identify. His hesitation was short-lived. He couldn’t say no to her.

Outside was cold and windy. It was easy not to speak as they walked toward her dorm with their heads ducked, but all too soon, she was unlocking the door to her empty suite and showing him into her bedroom.

“Do you want to sit?” she asked, dumping her books onto her desk. She slipped off her coat and draped it on top.

“I’m fine standing,” he said.

“Let me take your backpack.”

His jaw tightened, but he handed it over.

“Your coat? It gets really warm in here.”

“Katniss…”

Instead of heeding his tone, she unzipped his coat. When she tried to pull it off his shoulders, he caught her wrists.

“What do you want?” he asked.

“To apologize. To fix this.”

His expression softened, but he said nothing.

“I’ve never had a boyfriend before. And I’m kind of terrified.”

He gave her a small smile. “Do you need some liquid courage?”

“Not to talk to you. You make everything feel easy. And I want to try,” she said. “With you.”

Hope unfurled in his chest, warm and fluttering. He tried to ignore it. “Can you be more specific?”

She rolled her eyes and tried to tug her hands away. “Not this again.”

“I just think--”

She cut him off with a kiss. “I want to go out with you,” she said when she pulled away. “I want to be your girlfriend.”

He wanted to ask her if she was sure, if she could promise not to shut him out again when things got too hard or intense. The questions never left his mouth though. Of course she wasn’t sure. Of course she’d blow him off again. She wasn’t going to change overnight.

He knew that if they tried, it wouldn’t be easy. There were a lot of factors working against them: her fear, her inexperience, her best friend. And Peeta knew he brought his own baggage to relationships, issues from childhood that continued to affect him in unexpected ways.

But he wanted this. Wanted her. 

“What about tonight? Can I take you out tonight?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said before kissing him again. “It’s a date.”


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I received several requests for a part two. I hope you enjoy! Thanks for reading.

Katniss’s back pocket vibrated as she stared at the Hostess cupcake and package of mini muffins in her hands. She resisted the urge to check her phone, knowing that she had more than likely imagined it. Not only had she just seen all three of her roommates, but Peeta wasn’t due back on campus for another two hours.

All through Thanksgiving break, phantom vibrations had haunted her, causing her to check her cell phone obsessively. While she rarely left home without her cell, she thought nothing of leaving it charging in her bedroom while she watched a movie with her sister downstairs.

Or at least she used to.

She had spent the past week carrying her phone from room to room, occasionally tapping her back pocket just to make sure it was still there. 

Her pocket vibrated again, and unless she had completely lost her mind, someone had definitely texted her. She dropped the snacks.

The smile that took over her face when she saw Peeta’s name on the screen was so wide, she actually closed her eyes and mentally chastised herself. She needed to chill. Fast.

Peeta: _I’m back on campus._

Heart hammering in her chest, she resisted the urge to ditch the cafeteria and sprint to his dorm room.

Katniss: _already?_

Peeta: _I may have skipped family dinner._

Katniss: _wasn’t your mom pissed?_

Peeta: _Probably. I snuck out after saying goodbye to my dad._

Peeta: _Are you in your room?_

A blush heated her cheeks. He wanted to see her. Of course he wanted to see her. While they had only been dating for a couple of weeks before going their separate ways for Thanksgiving break, it wasn’t as if a week apart would change things. 

Katniss: _i’m in the cafe. i’m having a food dilemma. cupcake or mini muffins?_

As soon as her text message was delivered, Peeta’s picture filled the screen. Confused, she accepted the call.

“Peeta?”

“This isn’t going to work out,” he said.

The blush that had settled into her cheeks suddenly rushed upward, filling the top of her head with an uncomfortable heat.

“What?” she asked.

“I can’t date a girl who willingly consumes those fake overly processed...I don’t even know what to call them. Referring to them as dessert insults baked goods everywhere.”

She pressed a hand over heart as she suppressed a nervous laugh. “I had no idea you felt so strongly.”

“I do,” he said. “You can’t eat either one.”

“But I’m hungry.”

“You’re always hungry,” he said. “That’s why I brought food back for you.”

She took a few steps away from the snacks. “What kind of food?”

“Mellark Bakery food.”

She bit her lip, recalling the mouthwatering conversations they had had about his family’s bakery.

“Cheese buns?” she asked. Everything he had described sounded delicious, but for whatever reason, this was the treat that had stuck in her mind.

“So many cheese buns. And an assortment of cookies, cupcakes, danishes…”

A burst of cold air blew her hair back as she exited the cafeteria and headed toward Peeta’s dorm.

“So can I stop by your room?” he asked.

She quickly changed course. “Yeah, I’m on my way back now.”

“Perfect,” he said. “I just need to drop my bag off, and I’ll be over.”

Katniss stopped and looked over in the direction of the parking lot. It was too far away to see clearly, but somewhere over there, Peeta had his cell pressed to his ear as he walked through the cold. He hadn’t bothered to get to his room and greet his roommates before he called her.

He hadn’t even bothered to stay for Sunday family dinner, which his mother was crazy strict about.

A strange and unfamiliar emotion overwhelmed her. Something embarrassing waited on the tip of her tongue, but she bit it back. Instead, she said, “Wait, Peeta. I...I have to tell you something.”

A beat of silence passed. She could hear hesitation in his voice when he said, “Okay.”

“I’m not sure how you’re going to take it. I don’t want you to be mad.”

“It’s okay,” he said, worry now creeping in. “Just tell me.”

“Sometimes I eat poptarts for breakfast.”

“Wow,” he said. “Wow, that’s just -- this is serious, alright? We’re going to have to address this, but we’ll get through it together.”

She resumed walking, unable to hold back another smile. “I’ll see you soon.”

*

By the time Katniss returned to her dorm, Annie was gone -- ironically, to Peeta’s room to see her boyfriend, Finnick -- and Madge was at the library, working on a paper she should have finished days ago.

Without tearing her gaze from the television, Johanna held up a hand. “Toss me my cupcake.”

Katniss froze in the middle of unzipping her coat. Whoops. “Right. Your cupcake.” She had completely forgotten her promise to bring Johanna back something to eat too.

Johanna glanced over, eyebrows raised. “You specifically left for something made out of chocolate. How did you end up back here without anything?”

If Katniss admitted that a phone call from the guy she had been seeing for less than a month -- the guy her roommates had basically thrown at her -- had distracted her, she’d never hear the end of it.

“I’m sorry. I spaced.”

“You spaced?” Johanna narrowed her eyes as she leaned over the back of the futon. “Anything in particular make you spacey?”

Katniss opened her bedroom door and draped her coat over her desk chair. She was tempted to shut the door, but Peeta would be there any minute.

“No, I--”

“Don’t bother,” Johanna said. “I know what happened. Peeta texted you a picture of his dick and all thoughts of anything else flew out of your pretty little head.”

“That is _not_ \--”

Someone knocked at their door, and Johanna settled back into her seat. “Speak of the devil.”

Flustered, Katniss ran a quick hand over her braid, smoothing down any stray hairs, before walking -- casually, she hoped -- to the door.

“I come bearing food,” Peeta said, presenting two light blue boxes with a flourish.

“So he sent you a picture of food?” Johanna asked. “That’s almost better.”

Peeta shot her a confused look, but Johanna thankfully didn’t elaborate. Rather than risk her changing her mind or bringing up something worse, Katniss plucked the first cupcake she spotted out of the top box and handed it to Johanna.

“Enjoy,” Katniss said before grabbing Peeta’s hand and pulling him into her bedroom.

“Are we avoiding Jo?” Peeta asked once the door was closed.

Katniss ignored the way her stomach flipped at his use of “we,” which was just downright ridiculous. This might have been her first relationship, but she was twenty years old! She had to stop acting like a lovesick idiot.

“We’re always avoiding Jo,” Katniss answered.

Peeta set the boxes of goodies on top of her desk and shrugged off his coat. He popped open the top box and pulled out what she assumed was a cheese bun. She took a bite and melted at the cheesy, delicious taste.

“This is amazing,” she said, finishing the rest in three bites.

“Better than a Hostess cupcake?”

“Not a fair question. You can’t compare chocolate to cheesy goodness.”

Peeta produced a chocolate cupcake with vanilla frosting. Once Katniss had swallowed the last bite, she fell back on her bed and sighed.

“Fine,” she said. “You win.”

Peeta lay down beside her. “I’m not saying you can’t eat that processed crap, I’m just saying you’ll be missing out.”

“As long as you promise to keep me in baked goods, I promise not to buy any of that stuff from the cafe.”

He turned on his side, and ran his thumb over her lips. Desire stirred within her, a yearning that was much too big for such a simple touch.

“I missed you,” he said.

“Yeah?” Her voice was soft, quiet. She wanted to memorize this moment. Never before had she been a girl who was missed. Of course, before Peeta, she had never wanted to be that girl. It felt so much better than she could have imagined--and so much scarier.

“I almost texted you three different times asking if I could visit last week,” he said.

“You should have.”

“I wasn’t sure,” he said. “You didn’t text much.”

With the exception of the Sunday before Thanksgiving, when she and Peeta had texted back and forth for over an hour, she had been careful to text him no more than twice a day. The force with which she had missed him had taken her by surprise, and she had worried that the feelings would bleed over into her messages. She didn’t want to scare him away.

Worse, she didn’t want to care more about him than he did about her.

“I didn’t want to interrupt your time at home,” she said, which was about the lamest excuse ever.

“Are you kidding? You’re never an interruption. Especially when I’m at home.”

“Right. Sorry.”

“I just thought that maybe you were blowing me off,” he said. “In a very passive aggressive way.”

She considered brushing off his concern with another excuse, but she knew this was the wrong move. As much as she wanted to hide how deep her feelings ran, she didn’t want to make him think she didn’t care at all.

“No, definitely not,” she said. 

He nodded, but when doubt lingered on his face, she realized her mistake. Over break, he had always texted first. She kept her answers brief, ending the conversation before it could really begin. Even though she had desperately wanted to see him tonight, she would have waited until tomorrow if he hadn’t asked first. And then when he had told her he missed her, she had failed to tell him the same.

No wonder he doubted her.

For too many years, her strength and pride were all she had to survive on. Closed off had become her default setting. It was why she had started sleeping with Gale and why she had never called him on his crappy behavior. Staying with him was so much easier than being vulnerable with someone else.

Maybe it was time she tried it. Her relationship with Peeta would never last if she clung to her past behavior. If she couldn’t open up around someone as kind and understanding as him, there was no hope for her. She had to tell him the truth.

“I was scared.”

He frowned. “Of what?”

“Of texting you. Or calling. I wasn’t sure how much was too much.”

“There’s no such thing as texting me too much,” Peeta said. “I welcome triple and quadruple texts. I don’t know what you’d call ten in a row, but I’ll take that too.”

He smiled down at her. The knot in her stomach loosened, but her anxiety didn’t completely fade away. 

“I don’t have a lot of experience with this,” she said. “I’ve never really had to think about it before.”

When she had to tell Gale something, she texted him immediately, and never considered whether she was texting him back too soon. There was no fear of coming on too strong or expressing too much. He was her friend, and yeah, sometimes they had sex, but there was nothing more to it. At least on her end.

“Don’t overthink it.” He brushed a few stray pieces of hair off her forehead. “We just have to talk to each other. As long as we’re honest, there’s nothing to overthink.”

She touched his cheek and guided his face closer. She wanted to thank him for being so easygoing, for not teasing her about her uncertainty or inexperience. For coming to her dorm despite being unsure about her feelings.

Instead, she said, “I missed you too.” 

Then, she kissed him.

She didn’t know how she had survived an entire week without him. His touch ignited something within her, something she had never experienced before. It left her hungry and raw, aching for something only he could give her.

She wrapped an arm around his back, ready to pull him down on top of her, when the good feeling vanished. He wanted her to tell the truth. They were _supposed_ to tell each other the truth. While she hadn’t lied to him, not telling him was definitely a lie of omission.

“Wait,” she said.

He stopped, half of his hand resting beneath her shirt, his skin warm against hers. When he saw the look on her face, he sat up.

“I need to tell you something,” she continued, sitting beside him. Back against the headboard, she faced forward as the anxiety from earlier returned tenfold. “I didn’t tell Gale about us yet.”

He stiffened beside her but didn’t say a word.

“He didn’t come home over break. I guess his girlfriend invited him to her house last minute. I know I told you I would, but I don’t want to do it over the phone.”

“It’s okay.”

She shook her head. “It’s not.”

“I get it.”

Even if he did understand, even if he was telling the truth, after he shifted in her tiny twin bed, his arm no longer touched hers.

“No, Peeta, I mean it. It’s not. I want you to know that I’m not doing this on purpose. Or I’m not trying to. He’s just -- he’s my best friend, but he’s going to be mad, and I didn’t want to tell him over the phone when he could just hang up on me.”

Peeta grabbed her hand. While she was afraid to see his expression, she finally looked at him. There was no anger on his face, but she detected a hint of worry.

“I’m not mad,” he said. “I know I kept you busy before break.”

She blushed at the many memories of how he had kept her busy. She had spent nearly every free moment she had with him. While there had been several shared lunches in the cafeteria, trips off campus to the movies or dinner, and hushed conversations in the library, there had also been many moments like this one, in her bed, with much less clothing.

“It’s not your fault he didn’t come home for break,” Peeta continued.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“You meant what you said, right? About giving this a real try?”

She didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

“Then there’s nothing to be sorry about.”

She squeezed her eyes shut, unsure how to respond. While Katniss wasn’t under the assumption that Peeta was perfect, she was still surprised by how reasonable he could be.

“We’re having lunch tomorrow,” she said. “At one.”

“Then it’s settled.”

She kicked off her shoes and pushed him onto his back before swinging a leg over his waist. It was the same position they had been in that first night in her dorm room, when Johanna had shoved him inside.

“You should visit over winter break,” she said, unbuckling his belt. “You could stay for a few days. Maybe around New Year’s.”

He lifted his hips, so she could pull off his belt. While she could feel his hardness through her jeans, she was kicking herself for not changing into something a little flimsier before he arrived.

“I think that’s a really good plan.”

“I can visit too,” she said. “I don’t mind making the three hour drive.”

“No,” he said too quickly, failing to make eye contact. “Let me come to you. I’ll visit as often as you want me to.”

She frowned. “That’s not fair.”

“I really don’t mind making the drive.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Katniss wasn’t usually one for subtlety, but it was hard to miss the tension in his body when she was straddling him. “I told you the truth. Aren’t you supposed to do the same?”

“I really don’t mind,” he said. “But yeah, you’re right.” He was quiet for a long moment as if contemplating what to say. “I want you to visit. I’d love for you to see the bakery and meet my brothers.”

“But?”

“It’s not a good idea.”

He grabbed her hand and ran a thumb over her knuckles. It would have been sweet if he hadn’t been so nervous.

“My mom isn’t really all that friendly,” he said.

Katniss had heard a few stories about Mrs. Mellark. She was an uptight, overly critical bitch, and Peeta hated talking about her.

“Are you afraid she won’t like me?” Katniss teased.

“I know she won’t like you.”

Katniss’s smile disappeared. She yanked her hand out of his. Before she could get off him, he grabbed her hips.

“Wait,” he said. “That came out wrong.”

“Let go.”

“We’re both screwing up this communication thing.” He pulled his hands away, and she rolled off him. Thankfully, it was onto his other side rather than off the bed. “My mother is kind of a nightmare.”

“I picked up on that.”

“No, I mean…” He sighed. “She’s awful. Unimaginably awful. You make me happy, so she’ll hate you on principle.”

Her heart dropped. She reviewed the handful of stories Peeta had told her and wondered what details he had held back. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t really like talking about this. I’d rather not get into it tonight if that’s okay.” He covered his face. “I’m sorry. I know I just said all that stuff about being honest.”

“You are being honest. You don’t need to explain right now if you don’t want to.”

Peeta knew about her father’s death and her mother’s depression, but he didn’t know the whole story. She hadn’t wanted to share that part of her past with him yet. They didn’t have to spill everything right away. There was plenty of time to discuss their emotional hang-ups. Just not tonight. Not when they had been apart for a week and were finally alone in her room.

“I think we need to change the subject.” She sat up and pulled off her sweater.

His eyes widened. She leaned in to kiss him, but he held out a hand to stop her.

“That’s new,” he said.

She looked down as if she had actually forgotten the orange lacy bra she had put on this morning with him in mind.

“It’s not,” she said. 

Heat rushed through her body that had nothing to do with his close proximity. She owned five bras: three white, two black, all plain cotton and excruciatingly boring. Despite hating the mall, she had joined Prim’s Black Friday shopping spree and dropped a small fortune at Victoria’s Secret.

“Either it’s new or you’ve been hiding it from me.” He traced a line down the space between her breasts and curled a finger around the thin strip that connected the two cups.

“Do you have my bras memorized or something?”

“I might have a mental catalogue.”

She laughed. “It might be new.”

“It might be my favorite color.”

She feigned surprise. “Really? I just thought it looked nice.”

He tackled her to the mattress and settled between her legs. “ I love it. God, you’re so fucking hot.”

Emboldened by his words, she shifted, purposefully grazing his erection. “The underwear matches.”

He buried his face in her neck with a groan as he wrestled with the button of her jeans. The next second he yanked them off her.

“Is that what passes for underwear nowadays?” he asked.

She blushed, wishing she had had the foresight to turn off the lights. But this was exactly what she had wanted, why she had bought the ridiculously priced bra and thong. She wanted him to see her.

Her fingers disappeared into his hair as he kissed a trail up her leg, her thigh, mapping her body with his mouth. When he reached her underwear, he pushed it aside. Her hips jerked at the feeling of his tongue.

“Fuck. Peeta.”

He moved up her body and kissed her.

“I love that,” he said.

“Me swearing?” she asked.

“No, you saying my name like that.”

“Make me say it again.”

He leaned closer to her ear, his breath hot against her cheek. “It’s all I’ve been thinking about since we said goodbye last week.”

She loved this side of him, the swearing, dirty-talking side she never could have imagined when he was just a writing tutor, helping her analyze Hemingway and Fitzgerald.

But his words were like magic. They loosened her own tongue, and she found herself asking for things she had been too embarrassed to voice in the past. He liked talking about sex, and he encouraged her to be very specific about her own wants and needs.

He pulled off his shirt and threw it to the floor. “Sorry. I didn’t buy anything fancy for the occasion.”

“With you, the less clothes, the better.”

He pinned her wrists above her head, and shifted his weight to his knees. She wriggled beneath him. She was trapped beneath his body, but she welcomed the loss of control. This was the kind of vulnerability she enjoyed.

“Did you think about me over break too?” he asked.

“Yes.” 

His free hand traced the edge of her underwear. “Did you touch yourself?”

A month ago, a question like this would have derailed the experience, embarrassment winning out over her desire, but Peeta had been slowly pushing her out of her comfort zone. She thought she sounded silly and inexperienced whenever she answered questions like this one. Peeta insisted otherwise. She loved it when he talked dirty, so it was only fair she tried to too. 

“Yes.” She wanted to say more, do more, so she swallowed her shyness and said, “All I had to do was think about you going down on me. Took no time at all.”

He groaned, and a jolt of pleasure shuddered through her.

“Forget texting. We’re calling each other over winter break,” he said.

She laughed. A moment of quiet followed, his eyes locked on hers, smiles taking over both their faces. This was what it was supposed to be like. Comfortable and sexy and exciting. They were supposed to be able to laugh or talk without fear of making it awkward.

“Let me touch you,” she said.

As soon as he released her hands, she went to work on his jeans. Once the zipper was far enough down, she slipped her hand inside and traced the outline of his erection.

“I thought about this too,” she said. 

This time he kissed her slowly, deliberately, his fingers unraveling her braid, his hips pressing her into the mattress. Despite the desire pooling in her stomach, she would have happily spent the rest of the night doing no more than this.

“What the fuck?”

They both sprang up at the sound of the voice, Peeta twisting his body to cover up Katniss’s.

Gale stood in the doorway, fists clenched at his side. 

“What the hell is going on?” he demanded. “Who is this?”

Katniss slid off the bed and grabbed her jeans. Even though Gale had seen her naked countless times before, she couldn’t help the embarrassment washing over her.

“Could you at least turn around?” Katniss asked. She tugged on her jeans, nearly falling over in her haste. Peeta’s hands on her hips steadied her. He was already dressed.

“What does it matter? I’ve seen you naked before.” He glared at Peeta. “You know we’re dating, don’t you?”

Her embarrassment quickly turned to anger as she yanked her sweater back on. “Peeta is well aware of our situation.”

“Who is this?” Gale repeated.

Katniss sighed. This was the worst possible introduction. She didn’t want to destroy her friendship with Gale, but he was making it difficult to stay calm.

“This is my boyfriend, Peeta.”

Peeta knew better than to offer his hand, so he simply remained by Katniss.

“Boyfriend? I thought you and I…” Gale trailed off.

“Gale, you were never my boyfriend. How could you be when you’re hooking up with half the freshman class?”

“So you’re jealous? I had no idea, you never said--”

“I’m not jealous. That’s not what this is about.”

“Do you want me to go?” Peeta asked. “So you two can talk?”

“Yes,” Gale snapped. “That’d be great.”

“Peeta.” Katniss frowned. This was not how tonight was supposed to go. With Annie back in Peeta’s dorm room, he was supposed to spend the night here. With her. Gale was supposed to be tomorrow’s problem.

“It’s okay,” he said quietly.

He kissed her cheek, which earned a snort from Gale, grabbed his coat, and left. He shut the door behind him.

Johanna was still on the futon, looking less than pleased at his appearance. “I didn’t let Gale barge in so she’d ask _you_ to leave,” she said.

Peeta should have been pissed that Johanna had enabled this situation, but he couldn’t find it in him. Besides, it was her meddling that had led him to a relationship with Katniss in the first place.

“I offered,” he replied.

“And she just let you go?”

He didn’t know why that comment stung. Maybe because Katniss hadn’t tried to stop him. But he had done the right thing. Gale was her best friend. If Peeta tried to come between their friendship, it would only end in disaster.

“She’s not going to ditch you just because Gale’s throwing a fit. That’s not the kind of person she is,” Johanna said.

“I know.”

Katniss was much softer than she let on and hated hurting people, but she was also stubborn as hell. He trusted her. She had said she wanted to give this a real try, and he believed her.

Besides, she was not Gale’s doormat. Not anymore.

“She’s going to fuck up. A lot,” Johanna said. “Just be patient with her.”

Peeta forced a smile. “I will.”

*

“How long have you been seeing that guy? I thought you didn’t want a boyfriend,” Gale said, arms crossed at his chest.

“That guy has a name,” Katniss said. “I’ve been dating Peeta for a few weeks.”

“Was that a new bra?”

She narrowed her eyes, thrown off by the unexpected question. “Have you memorized my underwear too?”

Gale moved closer and touched the orange strap peeking out. She batted his hand away and readjusted her sweater.

“In all the years I’ve known you, I’ve never seen you wear a bra like that,” he said.

“Orange?” she deadpanned. 

“Sexy.”

The comment stung. It reminded her that despite her enjoyment of sex, she sucked at being sexual. Was Peeta just humoring her? Holding back laughter whenever she tried to talk dirty? No, he wasn’t like that. She had to stop suspecting the worst.

“Katniss?” Gale asked.

She pushed her concern about Peeta aside and tried to focus. “I went shopping.”

“For him.”

“For me,” she corrected.

“To impress him. I don’t remember you ever doing something like that for me.”

His complaint baffled her. The whole point to sleeping together was that they didn’t have to try. It was supposed to be easy, effortless.

“Sorry I never bought lingerie,” she said. “I guess I was too distracted by all the flowers and chocolate you showered me with.”

“You wanted flowers and chocolate?”

“No. That’s not the point. I didn’t have to buy lingerie, and you didn’t need to give me flowers because we were casual. No effort needed.”

“If you wanted effort, you could have asked.”

She shook her head. “But I didn’t. I don’t.”

“I don’t get it. If you don’t want to put in any effort, why did you get a boyfriend?”

She bit her lip. She didn’t know how to say this without hurting him. “I want to put in the effort with him.”

“But not with me.”

When she didn’t say anything, he grabbed her hands. “I get that you were jealous. But Glimmer and I broke up. She invited me home over break to piss off an ex-boyfriend.”

Katniss gently pulled her hands away. “That sucks. I’m sorry.”

“If you don’t want to be casual anymore, we don’t have to be.”

Hope surged in her chest. He was taking this better than she thought he would. Maybe their friendship wasn’t completely ruined.

“I’m ready to be your boyfriend,” he said.

“Are you listening?” she asked. “I have a boyfriend. Do you seriously think I’m going to come running just because you’re single again?” 

“Isn’t that how you and I work?”

Of course. Of course that’s what Gale expected. She always jumped back into bed with him as soon as he broke up with his girlfriend of the week. That was exactly how they worked.

But not anymore.

“Gale, I have a boyfriend. I’m not breaking up with him.”

He looked away, jaw clenched. “Fine. I guess it’s my turn to wait.”

“I’m not asking you to wait. He and I are kind of serious.”

“So that’s it?” he asked, throwing up his hands. “He’s the one for you?”

“No. I don’t know. We’re only twenty. I just want to see what else is out there.”

“I want to marry you, Katniss. You know that. I thought that was the plan.”

“That sounds pretty great, doesn’t it? You get to sleep with any girl you want while I wait patiently for you, always single, always ready whenever you need me.”

He jabbed an accusing finger in her direction. “You could have dated. You said you didn’t want a boyfriend!”

“Yeah, right. Forget having a boyfriend. I couldn’t talk to another guy without you freaking out.”

“That’s not true.”

“Seriously?” She stared at him, mouth open. He claimed he loved her, but he refused to acknowledge how terribly he treated her. Had their friendship always been this unbalanced? “You didn’t want me with anyone else. You were saving me for yourself.”

“I was not--”

“You’re supposed to be my best friend, but you treated me like shit.”

“Really? I treated you like shit? Have you ever walked in on me fucking some other girl? I always told you when I was seeing someone.”

“I don’t need to ask your permission to go out on a date!”

“This is bullshit. I can’t believe you would do this to me.”

“I haven’t done anything to you!” She was yelling now, no longer concerned with his feelings. If he couldn’t see he had hurt her, why should she tiptoe around hurting him? “It’s not my fault you assumed I was in love with you, that I wanted to marry you. You never asked me what I wanted! Not once!”

“Forget this,” Gale snapped. “Fuck whoever you want.”

He barged out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Johanna shouted out a cheerful goodbye and then the other door slammed too.

Katniss sank onto her bed, head in her hands. Just like that, a twelve-year-old friendship was over. She wished she could pretend that he was just an asshole, that he had purposefully used her for sex, but it wasn’t true. He was a selfish idiot, but she believed him when he said he loved her. She just didn’t love him in the same way.

She pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes to keep the tears at bay. She didn’t want to sit here by herself, replaying her fight with Gale over and over, but she definitely didn’t want to talk about this with Johanna.

The only person she wanted comfort from had volunteered to leave, and she hadn’t stopped him.

She never should have let Peeta go. Gale had no right to barge in and then get pissed off because she hadn’t checked with him before sleeping with Peeta. She should have kicked Gale out and saved their argument for tomorrow.

This had been her chance to prove to Peeta that she was serious about the two of them. She had been given a choice, and she had chosen wrong. She had known she was going to ruin their relationship sooner or later, but they hadn’t even been together a full month yet.

She pulled on her shoes and coat and rushed out the door.

She would fix this. She had to. She couldn’t bear to consider the alternative.

*

Katniss finally spotted Peeta a few yards up ahead, his blonde hair bleached white by the light from the lamppost. She jogged the rest of the way, half out of desperation to talk to him, half out of an attempt to keep warm.

There were other people outside. Some had just arrived back on campus while others headed for the library or cafe. Peeta was the only one stationary. She stopped in front of him, her hands shoved in her coat pockets for warmth.

Peeta sat on a bench, cheeks red from the cold, his sketchbook in his lap. She caught sight of gray eyes and dark hair before he shut it and slipped it into his backpack.

“Hi,” she said.

“What are you doing out here?”

“Can I sit?”

He moved his bag to the ground. “Of course.”

She sat several inches away, trying to give him space. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into his side. She looked up at him in surprise.

“It’s freezing. You should be inside,” he said.

“What about you?”

“All artists suffer for their art.” 

She rolled her eyes, but she didn’t laugh. She couldn’t. How was he acting so normal? So calm?

“I shouldn’t have made you leave,” she said.

“You didn’t make me leave. I offered.”

“I should have said no. I should have kicked Gale out.”

“I’m pretty sure the mood was officially ruined,” he teased.

“I just want to be around you. I don’t care about what we’re doing.”

“It was a difficult situation,” he said. “I wanted to make it easier on you.”

“Thank you,” she said quietly. “But I still shouldn’t have let you go.”

“How’d you find me out here, anyway?”

She looked down at her lap, embarrassed that she had spent the past half hour running around campus. “This wasn’t the first place I looked. I went to your room. A half-naked Finnick answered and told me you’d stopped by but hadn’t mentioned where you were going.”

“So you hunted me down?”

“Sort of.” She pressed her lips together. “I checked the cafe because you hadn’t eaten dinner yet. I know the Mac Lab and the gym are closed until tomorrow, so I tried the second floor of the library, but you weren’t in your usual spot. I know you like sketching out here. It was my last idea.”

He let out a soft laugh. “You know for someone who’s never been a girlfriend before, you’re pretty good at it.”

“Yeah, right.”

“I’m serious. I did eat dinner at the cafe. I considered going to the Mac Lab, the gym, and the library, but I ended up here instead. You’ve definitely been paying attention.”

She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face into his neck. His jacket was ice cold against her skin, but she didn’t care.

“Can I tell you something?” she asked when she pulled away. “Something that really freaked me out.”

“Of course.”

“When I was driving around over break, I passed one of the state parks and started thinking about being home for the summer. I go hiking there all the time. And I thought, I can’t wait to take Peeta on a hike here. Maybe we’ll have a picnic.”

“Do picnics freak you out?”

“Summer is six months away,” she said. “But I want to take you on that hike.”

“I want to go on that hike.”

She smiled, overwhelmed by the relief crashing over her. If thinking about the future didn’t scare him, then it shouldn’t scare her. She pressed her forehead against his shoulder and closed her eyes.

“How did your conversation with Gale go?” he asked.

“Terribly.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“Do you want to go back to your room?”

She looked up at him. “Yes. Definitely.”

“So I’ve been dying to ask you,” he said as they walked back. “And I need you to be completely honest with me.”

“Okay.” She had no idea what he could possibly want to know now after everything that had happened tonight, but she refused to be afraid. Being honest had worked out so far. And she trusted him.

“Did you buy anything else at the mall?”

She held back a laugh, torn between shoving him and kissing him. “How about you make me some homemade pop tarts, and then I’ll show you what else I got.”

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and dropped a kiss into her hair. “Deal.”


End file.
